I would've thought it horrible some years ago.
Amatonormativity is the societal belief that romantic monogamous relatioships are the most important kind of relationship all humans should aspire to and long for. It is, also, miserable.
I used to prostrate myself before men and beg. Fill this void. Love me. Be the noise in my life, so that I don't ever have to sit in the silence.
I have accepted, as of some years ago, that I will never be in a long term relationship. I couldn't bear it. After four days of sharing a bed with someone my brain would simply explode.
It is something I don't need or crave, or want in any capacity, but it comes with companionship and partnership and a friend, which is the part I covet.
Though, for the past years, I have been learning to date myself. Coffee, cinema, restaurants, walks, you name it. I exist with myself, quietly, because I will always be the one person I can trust unconditionally. Despite having some really great friends, I appreciate my own company the most nowadays.
And how lovely it cvan be to sit in a coffee shop with a good book, to people watch, to be content, in the era of constant noise and movement and happening, to just be by yourself.
I've gone ahead and bought a flip phone, a pink little thing that has a stroke if you ask it to read a map and can basically only google the weather if you ask very nicely. I have an iPad, but I've tossed most of the apps on there, too, except youtube. Youtube is the wall between me and a happy life. I just end up sitting there and watching crap and glancing at the pile of books at my nightstand longingly.
I've had my pink flip phone for two days, but I haven't really had a chance to go outside with it. I really don't wanna go back to my iPhone, most of the time it just feels like a prison of my own making.
Maybe I'll be updating here about my journey, so stick around if you're curious? I guess living without a smartphone in 2025 might prove to be tricky
